I have been married for 21 years in a time when most marriages are measured in months. Friends have asked me what is the secret to a happy marriage, and I have to say that the first thing is marriage is not always happy.

I remember when I first met my wife at 16 I had no idea that we would be spending the rest of our lives together. But as time goes by you find that you become friends and lovers, and then pretty soon you realize that you are both so weird that no one else would put up with either one of you so your stuck together now.

The first few years of marriage are so supposed to be the hardest, but I don't think that's true, there are several times in your marriage that are going to be hard. It's how you handle the hard times that make or break you.

When you first become married you are truly in love, you both look the best and are attracted to each other, you spend every moment together and when you are not together you are thinking about each other.
It's a magical time when life seems so wonderful, and then the years start going by.

Job stress, life stress, and the disasters that seem to creep up in life come along and they test your marriage. You may already be in a bad mood when your spouse says something that sets you off and out comes all of the frustration that you have been feeling.
It may not have anything to do with you spouse but suddenly they are the focus of your frustrations.
This happens quite frequently with ever marriage, but when you calm down and realize that you made a mistake you now have to makeup for it.
These are the telling moments in marriage, you have to make up and move on without leaving hard feelings festering.

Stress in marriage is normal,there are several ways that you can help each other get through it and increase the quality of your marriage at the same time.

For instance if you were to notice that your spouse was having a stressful time at work you could try doing something special for them when they get home.
Spouse love surprises, it could be anything from a rose waiting for them at home or cooking a special dinner. Anything that you can do to take their mind off of their problem. Then later when you are both relaxed you might bring up the subject with them.
The more relaxed the environment is the more likely they will be to share with you their true feelings without holding back.
When taking with them if you notice that they start to become agitated about the subject then divert their attention away from the subject until they become calm enough to talk about it again.

Always let them know that they are the most important person in your life and that you want to work with them to get through problems. Anything that effects them also effects you. When you are happy, you are happy together, and when you are sad you are sad together. This is marriage, it's the bottom line to understanding each other.

PJ. Jellerson